Vodafone, you blithering fools! My mobile phone never rings! So few people have my number that when my phone does ring, I think it's important. I know it's important... Last week, I sat here hoping I might win the Jonathan Cape Graphic Short Story competition over at The Observer but the phone never rang. This week I sit here hoping and praying I might have figured in the Michael Heath cartoon competition at The Spectator. So, Vodafone, why do you mock me by choosing this week to ring me and asking me if I'm happy with my package? You've never done it before. Do you think my being happy with my package makes my hands shake like this? Does a cold call make my heart race? I can barely strike the keys cleanly on the keyboard. Why Vodafone? Why did you raise my hopes? Why, damn you! Why?
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